An angry looking boy stands in a living room and screams.

Challenging Behavior: When to Get Support

Many challenging behaviors are part of healthy childhood development – but sometimes behaviors can cause family problems. This list shares some common behavior challenges and four questions you can ask to decide if you need more help with your child’s behavior.

Common Childhood Behavior Challenges

This list includes some of the most common childhood behavior challenges families face. Most children will experience some of the challenges on this list as part of their healthy development.

Aggression, including kicking/hitting, destroying things, fighting or shouting

Defiance, including willful rule breaking or refusing adult direction

Difficulty with transitions

Lying or blaming others

Making and keeping friends, including having little interest in peers or poor social skills

Poor impulse control (for example, speaking out of turn or taking things that don’t belong to them)

Problems with daily living activities, including toileting, eating, or sleeping

Resolving conflicts (for example, with peers or siblings)

Seeking lots of attention or reassurance from adults

Separating from caregivers (for example, at school drop-off)

Note: Some of these behaviors are more common in kids with attention issues, anxiety, autism, sensory differences or other disabilities/mental health concerns.

Questions to Ask

Once you have identified a challenging behavior (either from the list above or elsewhere), there are four questions that can help you to decide if you need more help.

1. How dangerous is the behavior? (safety)

As parents and/or caregivers, our most important job is to keep our children safe. If your child’s behavior is dangerous to themselves, to you or to others, it’s a good idea to seek help right away.

2. How often does it happen? (frequency)

To learn how often a behavior is happening, families sometimes use tallies. Keep a paper where you can easily reach it and make a mark each time you see the behavior.

You can also use an ABC Checklist to keep track of details, including what happened before and after the behavior.

Keep in mind that children with attention issues, anxiety, autism or other disabilities/mental health concerns can sometimes repeat challenging behavior – even when they know it’s a problem.

3. How long does it last? (duration)

Children use behavior to learn and communicate. For example, toddlers have tantrums when they don’t get their way.

When common childhood behaviors seem to last longer than with other kids, it can be a sign that your child needs more help. If your child does not have siblings that you can compare, it can help to discuss the duration of your child’s behavior with their primary care provider (PCP).

Children with sensory differences or anxiety may need extra support to manage challenging behaviors.

4. How big – or disruptive – is it? (intensity)

How much does the behavior bother your child? How much does it bother you or your family? If the answers to these questions are “a lot,” it might be time to have a conversation with your child’s PCP.

Families with children whose challenging behaviors are causing problems at school should also make sure that their child’s classroom teacher is part of the conversation.

Related Diagnoses

Children with attention issues, anxiety, sensory differences or other disabilities/mental health concerns may be more likely to have challenging behaviors. These children often need more support to develop skills to manage their own behavior.

Children who have experienced trauma or who have adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) may use challenging behaviors to cope or protect themselves. These children often benefit from support from a mental health professional.

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